I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
