btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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