i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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