If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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