Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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