Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
