Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
