Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
