So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
