if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
