GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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