Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
