What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
