I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
