I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
