Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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