Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
