I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
