You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
