I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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