Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
