Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
