You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
