Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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