apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
