This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
