she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
