You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
