booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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