just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The Olympian is in my bed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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