I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
