A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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