Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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