ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We are all done wearing pants today
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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