Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
