Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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