He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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