Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He shit in the fireplace
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
