Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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