he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
