the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize