i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
