Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
