So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
