No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
