The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
