**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
