Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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