Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
