Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
