Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
