Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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