I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
