his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
