There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
