never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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