I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
