My hand turned me down
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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