I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
