Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
