dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
