I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
