So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
