I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
