toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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