no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
