I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
