Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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