I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
