I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
