Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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