it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
