i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
