Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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