I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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