I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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