I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
