smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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