I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
