that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize