It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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