I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
