i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
