Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
