2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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