the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
